I'm Back

I'm back 

After 3 months away, in Canada and the US, visiting Family and old friends, eating and drinking (gained 5 kilos) I came back to Olinda..I have to admit, I kinda missed the place, the  chaos. the loudness of the place. 

Don't worry Pernambuco Gypsy I did not abandon you, you're not alone..

Home sweet Home.. can it be true,  has the place grown on me? Have I become accustomed to the Chaos?

When out for a walk is looking at scenery and not having to look down not enough, Do I need rough sidewalks and crazy traffic trying to kill me a every turn to enjoy a walk? Is driving in designated lanes, shoulder checking, using signal lights  and head lights ( not just parking lights)  become to boring, Is it the thrill I seek? Living on the edge? Have I become an adrenalin junkie!

More to follow  

The Bus:

I have commented on the Bus'es in Brasil, and Others have written blogs about them. Catch a Bus in Sao Paulo and Onibus-tale-of-two-cities , but today I noticed something different, even though, Mario Andrette, or Arton Senna what ever the drivers name is, driving like he is about to poop his pants and needs a washroom, no one  but me seems to be hanging on for dear life, no one but me? I have a seat, on the shady side, it is important to get the shady side, if you don't want to cook and arrive at your destination with sweat stains from armpits to ankles. When you see a Brazilian bus remember It is not a suspension problem that causes a Bus to lean away from the Sun, it is because everyone is on the shady side. I am  being thrown all over and have 2  hands on the handle in front of me. Everyone else is relaxed, just kind of flopping around like fish in a net, or wieners in a boiling pot.. Then it hits me,  this is a "personal space" thing ( A concept they know nothing about in Brazil), they don't care if they touch someone  else, they don't care if they are swapping sweat on their arms, and thighs. Unlike me who is doing his best NOT to touch anyone, if I get anymore to the left I will actually be out the window, getting a knot in my shoulder from sitting sideways and hanging on to the front.OK  when in Rome.  So I let go, relax side of the bus supports me on the left, hairy smelly guy supports on the right..K  a little creepy but more relaxed, syphinkter not trying to take a bite out of the vinyl, kind of all right. Hmmm how much touching is OK....really..big hairy guy,  I'm using you for support, no need to get all handsy  on me, the toothless grin did it.. I'm going back to looking out the window two hands on the handle, a kink in my neck. F^*k Rome..

The Lab..

I am getting dental implants, in order to do this I need a “Sinus Lift” the Surgeon adds some bone in the sinus cavity . This adds bone mass for the implant to attach to....

The Surgeon needed me to do some blood work before he does the surgery.. Sugar levels, cholesterol, normal stuff.

So today I went to the Lab to have the work done, I was armed with, passports, CPF numbers addresses, phone numbers, health insurance card, list of tests etc. I had my Cell phone handy and if any sign of trouble, I was to call my wife (she was at work). What the heck how hard could it be to get blood taken, close your fist, squeeze let go.. what could possibly go wrong..

I entered the Lab, clean, looked OK, kind of looked first world, no VooDoo dolls or anything, saw a take a number do-dad, so I took a number, 806...then number on the electric sign was showing they were serving 003.. gezzz this could be long wait!.. I was then told by the mass of people ( all at the same time) behind me that the first digit was not working and the were working on 803..not 003..OK not bad 3 people to wait for.. There were lots of people, old people, in lines old people have preferential treatment, they skip to the front of the line... so my 3 number wait turned in to 20 minutes.

Once my number was called...I was pumped and ready to go, first thing I tell them to speak slow and to be patient.. so far so good. I unload my plethora of paperwork on the Lady.. GAWD people are slow here.. another 25 minutes of single digit typing and I was set to go.(In Brazil, the paper work ALWAYS takes longer then the real work), she hands me a cup and a test tube..what the hell! Am I supposed to draw my own blood, I didn't bring a knife!! This was not in the rehearsal.

She kept whispering something, and pointing at her lower lady parts...I leaned forward and I finally heard her say..”Urina”..I repeated...”shi shi” (Slang for pee, pronounced she she).. she nodded her head.. well I couldn't, I was dry, I did my best to explain, she responded by giving me a sheet of instructions, in Portuguese of course, I read it, figured it out, wash hands with soap, wash penis with soap, start peeing, catch the stream in Mid pee, don't want the starting part, don't want the ending part, get it to the lab ASAP.. and your golden.. BUT she wanted to make sure I understood. Being a foreigner and all, so we started a discussion, I understand more then I speak, and inevitably I revert to mimics..there I was mimicking washing my penis with soap, and a scrub brush, in front of the crowd of Old people...I must have done a good job.. no one had any further advise for me, they all looked pleased with my demo.

Now I have to join the crowd and wait to be called for the blood test, me and my little cup and tiny test tube..no bag to put them in.. just me and my “Kit”, shoulders back, chest out.. be proud you got this far son without having to call the Wife for Help, things could be worse, I could me mimicking over the phone!

Brazilians have issues pronouncing my name, the double 'r' and the 'ay' throw them off, It usually comes out sounding like 'Moo HI' or 'Moo Hay', So I have to be on my toes, this is not a sound that snaps me out of my waiting room trance. I find it best to just watch their face, if they scrunch thier forehead, purse their lips and look like they just ate something bad, and now need a little fart, this is the signal they are trying to figure out how to say my name..

The rest of the tests went like practised, she did want another Demo of the 'shi shi' procedure, but we were in private it was not as traumatizing, I passed a second time with no corrections. In and out in 4minutes and 40 seconds, I know this because she had a stop watch...now if they could be as efficient at the Front end..

I then proceeded home, glad to be on my own for a few minutes. Once home I had some coffee, lots of water, trying to force a 'shi shi'.. finally the feeling hit me.. I ran to the shower to put practise in to action... followed the same steps as in the demos.. no issues, glad I practised, did the deed, dressed and walked the 6 blocks back to the Lab to turn in my sample.

I tucked my head in my hat, bounced through the doors laid my sample (in an opaque plastic bag) on the counter, turned and headed for the doors...A quick escape was not to be.. much noise and commotion from behind the desk made me turn around, I was being waved back...I was praying they did not want a demo of my collection process, twice was enough. They pulled the sample from the bag, rotated it in the light, I guess to check vintage?.. Verified my bar-code, double checked my name, had me verify my name.. then apply the sticker (I would have worn plastic gloves, I know I was careful, but they don't.. oh well this is Brazil, a hardy bunch, they did it all with the tips of their fingers, much safer then using the whole hand), then after verifying my name on the same bar-code that I had just verified before she stuck it to the test tube, I was finally free to go..

Ahhh another adventure, wonder whats next!!

Atacadão

Atacadão

Everyone loves a bargain..

Atacadão is a wholesale store kind of like  Costco, all groceries, no tires and stereos, no fun stuff.. 

I love stores like this, but... this is Brasil style, the store is huge, and packed, lines at the check out are Very long,  so this is how you have to shop there. 

You need a minimum of 2 people.. you grab a cart, and enter put a couple of things in the cart.. then one person, we will call him A, goes and gets in line to check out. The second person, we will call her B, goes around the store, ( can you guess which person was me?) filling up her arms with stuff then when passing person A  in the line,  B  dumps her arm load of stuff in to the cart, smiles at person A, then moves off into the store to find more bargains on a gross of beans, or a bushel of rice.

It may sound like fun all fun and games for Person B,  but she has to navigate the aisles.. not easy here, no such rules as keep to the left, or watch your snot nosed kids, she has to dodge the employees  who park the restocking fork lifts in the way of clients,  thank god Person A  has the cart, you could never weave it through all the obstacles  . Person B has to fight with the large bottomed girls to get a good pick of the bargain cheese, but she does not have to stare at a sweaty hairy back for 2 hours..

Meanwhile Person A,  gets to stand and watch the slowest cashiers on earth, the examine every item, roll it around finally deciding you are worthy of the item, then scans it, on to the next item.. PAINFUL  to watch.. They give the cashiers chairs, is this why they are so slow, they are to comfy?

The people in front of you have the same system,  multiple shoppers, one Person A..but their shoppers bring them cases of stuff, their Person A then picks through the box and decide how many items from the case they need, ( usually 10 of the 12 in the case) dumping the rest of the items on the floor  in front of Our Person A's cart!!  WTF..opps there goes our Person B, where did she get a coffee..geezz, another Person A, from a shopping team behind our Person A decides  he wants some of the stuff left on the floor and puts it in his cart, ( this is good for our Person A, he won't have to  GRUNT an eyebrow crinkle, shoulder shrug and up raised hands,  the universal WTF.)  but when his person B sees this, She is not happy, he had no right to make a decision like that, they start pushing the cart into our Person A's  ankles, our Person A  is NOT happy about this and in his best Portuguese gives a GRUNT an eyebrow crinkle, shoulder shrug and up raised hands,  the universal WTF.

Person B does not want to stand in line, even though Person B promised Person A that they too would get a chance wander the store and see the wonders that grace the aisles , but no,  person B  times it just right,  she returns just as Person A reaches the cash register.. oh  like that wasn't planned.

Now it is your turn, the excitement...wait a minute the cashier  decides to cash out, and a new cashier is going to take her place..  ohhh gaaaawwddd  noooo.. now she has to do some cyphering .. my luck.. 15 minutes later.. did I mention they are slow? 

All paid up..

The parking lot is hilarious, you ever seen a Fiat mille,  the size of a shoe box, and the same shape.

4 doors and a 1 litre engine .. enough power to run the Air conditioner, OR  drive the car, but not both at the same time.. 

the 4 people from the shopping team in front of us, have so much crap loaded in to it

.... they have left no room in the back seat..  geez  should of thought of that before you bought all that crap..opps  I'm in Brasil.. not much fore thought going on here..but this is Brasil, if three guys on  motor cycle can handle a queen size mattress, a mille can do 4 people and a crap load of rice and beans. Not to worry,  driver in the driver seat, person in the middle, butt hanging into the back seat, balls on the stick shift, careful with reverse, and the 2  women doubled up in the passenger seat, hope they don't have far to go (not really,  I hope they have a 2 hour drive)..

Now all we have to do is drive home, ahhh another adventure in Olinda.. I wonder what tomorrow will bring..

PS  here is a TIP,  when you live in a hot and humid tropical climate, best not slather on the sun block then work up a sweat going to the barber..  the hair sticking to you won't just be yours!

Sidewalks:
Sidewalks are owned by the building or house that they are in front of, thus every section has a different surface, at a different level, on a different slope, maintained to a different standard..

 

this one is the main drag, 2 lanes each direction, crazy people driving the buses , they park on the sidewalk,  double park or triple, the only way around for a pedestrian, is to step out into the lane with the on coming bus..always walk facing traffic!!




The sidewalks are used for many things..

Parking cars:
this drives me nutz, no room to pass in front  or behind, you have to walk on to the street.







Construction:
They Mix cement, mortar, cut wood, tiles..all the work is done on the sidewalk.

Storing Construction Material:








Sleeping:

The guy behind the walker is napping, these guys are flanelinhas, these guys  stake out a piece of road and "Help"  you park  or un-park and then ask for money..basically they do dick, and if you don't pay they will NOT  watch your car, and something will most likely happen to it...!!




Business:

Garbage:
They pile garbage ( which is picked up every night) on the side walks, the recycler's ( Just a bunch of people with hand carts  or horse drawn carts) pick through the bags looking for things of value, hey  it is a system that seems to work, they spread garbage all over the place.. Usually this is cleaned up by morning, the official garbage men seem to handle this. It always happens at night, I never see how it works,  I just see the results in the morning

and lastly..and least likely..walking..

The area may be flat, but you get a workout every walk. because of holes and levels, you have to look down, you miss a lot.. I have learned to look down, scan for 10-20 meters.. look up look around  then look down again to scan the next 10 -20 meters,  almost doing it unconsciously. Opps I forgot to mention,   pedestrians are invisible to traffic, cross walks are a waste of paint ( And I think a signal to drivers to close their eyes and floor it), traffic lights.. if seen are ignored..
I have translated the traffic signals for you
Canada  = Brasil
Green = Green
Yellow = Green
Red = light shade of green, if something bigger then you is crossing, slow or stop, if smaller or more cowardly then you..floor it.. (this is the Macho rule.. will get into that in another entry.. that will be a long discussion...

So   be careful crossing the road...


OOPS  I forgot..Always be ready to dodge a motorcycle.. when the roads are crowded or blocked..the Moto's take to the sidewalk...

Culture:
Today Recife turns 475, and Olinda 477.. We Went to a celebration last night in Recife, and will go to one tonight in Olinda..
What does this have to do with culture... AGE. In Western Canada, we have no culture of our own, we use the culture of our heritage, We are a nation of immigrants and have not had a chance for those  cultures to blend in to one that we can call our own.

Here in Brasil, the Portuguese, dominated the north east, they imported African slaves.. And have very little immigration since, there is  a large Japanese community in Sao Paulo, Italians in the South and small pockets of other immigrants.. The Culture here ( In the North East) has had time to ferment..blend..become their own.  It is a mixture of Portuguese, African and Indigenous peoples, blended in to the Music and Dance of this area.. I am not sure what part you could follow back to which area.. it has become Brazilian..

During celebrations like the one last night in Recife, Or Carnival, the cool thing to see is how everyone, no matter their age, 5 or 95, celebrate, they all know the words, and the dance steps, they all smile, dance and enjoy. They do not hold back they dance and sing like no one is watching ( The Beer my be helping!)..

In all my pictures, and videos, https://picasaweb.google.com/104024114949691259972?authkey=Gv1sRgCJH7ipnE2Oi7Yg , just look at how happy these people are.. how "in to it" they are. Even in small family gatherings, there is no fighting over music, it is always LOUD  and everyone enjoys it, no complaining that they don't like that style or it is for old folks...

As an outsider, this place can make you feel like an intruder. People here have set out a wall, on one side it is family and friends, if your on that side of the wall, there is nothing these people won't do for you. On the other side of the wall... they are reserved, defensive and cold.. This wall is physical,  the wall around their homes, and it is psychological , you are in the group, family or friends, or outside of that group.. I am very lucky, Cris ,her family and friends let me into the inside of the wall.. ( Enough social philosophy).

Here's the nuts of it.. This place is fantastic, music, dance, and costume.. tons of things to see do and experience. I am so blessed to have a tour guide ( Cris) who loves, appreciates and shares all these cultural wonders with me... some days I don't feel like trekking up that hill, or down the narrow street, but she always gives me a little push, when I get there, I am always amazed and in awe , and I always have FUN..

I had been to Carnival before, in 2002,  I only took a small bite..a morning in Olinda and an evening in Recife, I enjoyed both.. but I was a tourist,  guarding my camera ( mentally guarding).. not open.. not participating.. This year, being "in to it" having costumes, following Cris's  groups as they paraded in the old cities..WOW.. you have to come here once in your life..
Carnival in Recife... it is becoming more modern, more commercial but is not completely owned by coca-cola yet ( un-like the Stampede), they have Buses to take you to and from shopping centers, so it is easy to get to, stages set up with famous entertainers, but they still have smaller musical groups who parade through the streets, lots of families, kids and space, it is crowded, but not a crush like Olinda. really well done.
Olinda.. is much more rustic, the Peoples party, they have some stages, some organized entertainment, but most is just impromptu, a Group will just decide to parade, they chose their own route, and pace, if you like the music, just fall in behind, dance and have fun, the crowd is younger,  and a little drunker, and very crowded ( streets are narrow and just no space to move, your stuck moving with the crowd), you have to see it..it is better during the day ( But hot) if I were 25, and still a party animal this is were I would want to be... You had better get here before the commercial world takes over, I would hate to see the place with Coke stickers all over..

( Side note, the last few times I was at the Stampede, I was so pissed, water was only Dasani , Soft drinks were all coke products, all priced fixed, all expensive, no choice, no service clubs, no immigrant groups or community groups, all one big friggin coke commercial, It should be called the Coca-Cola show,  thus the snide comments above about coke spoiling Carnival) 

Next Year  Carnival is  February 8th until the 12th , Get working on your Visa...and Travel plans..

Stuff I miss...
My daughters, 4 grand daughters, and one grandson and my family..but  with internet, skype, VOIP phone, and face book.. I have a local Calgary phone number, so family phone daily and the electronic tools help a lot, but miss giving the babies  big hugs.

NOT in any particular order..

Books:
Real ones... I have an EReader, and can download books from the Calgary Library, so I have lots to read, and free.. but sometimes... on occasion.. I Miss the feel of a paperback...then I look out the window, see the ocean, and don't miss them so much..

Hot water:

Yup,  not common here in the North East of Brasil to have hot water, the stuff out of the tap is luke warm (27 C), no real need for hot water, especially as it is hotter then hell. They do have  ( Not Us) what is called electric showers, some times referred to as suicide showers.  Just some days,  sore muscles, stiff back...ahhhhh a hot shower would be nice..




Shopping:
I'm a man, I don't like shopping, it is in our Genes, I want to go in, grab stuff, go home, the following items  DRIVE ME NUTZ..
The stores, all have line ups at the cash registers, they seem to have lots of cash registers, they are just slow.. the cashiers seem to look at all you stuff and roll it around before scanning it, every item, if you have 24 cans of coke,every one of them gets scanned.... never in a hurry,  maybe they are to relaxed, they all have chairs the the checkout?
In the isles, when you see someone stocking the selves, they don't  get out of your way! they don't say excuse me  or sorry, they just keep working ( also very slow) if you want to go to the other side of them, you need to go back and around through the other isle. This i just don't get, this is in a Bom Preco ( Wal Mart  Brasil) , you would think they know something about marketing!!
Oh I have stories, I could go  on and on..  but won't..

Some stores,  like my Hardware store ( you used to see more of this, shoe stores, books stores) , use a weird system, you shop ( or a person follows you with a basket), when your done  you go to a counter,  they add up all you stuff, and give you a slip of paper, and they take your stuff,  you then go to another counter (usually at the back) and hand in the paper, they tell you how much, ( if you use a credit card they ask how many payments,  they will usually do up to 10 equal  payments on your card with no interest),  when you have paid  you have to find a 3rd counter,  usually  far from the one you paid at, closer to the one that took your stuff ,  show them another piece of paper and your receipt,  they then pass you a bag with your stuff.. Fast   NOT, Efficient  NOT. Fun NOT..

Quality:
Anything here imported has the poo taxed out of it, this is to allow Brazilian manufacturers to compete. But the majority of the stuff they make is crap,  all the stuff is like the crap from a dollar store, knives, plates, plastic containers..everything...just JUNK.. if you want good stuff, you would have to buy imported,  if you could even find it..and then the Price would be double  what we pay in Canada.. eg..   Henkle Kitchen knives IN Canada I paid 60  bucks,  here it would have been hard to find and $200 Canadian, electronics, same thing.. It is everything. Some things,  cotton, sheets, clothes, shoes are good quality.. and good price..but most things..not so much...Now I know why all my Brazilian visitors bought so much stuff when they visited.. So If you come to visit, I will give you a list of stuff to bring!! You will need a couple of suit cases..

Work:
Ha ha,  of course not,  just put that in to see if you were paying attention, will never miss work.

Retirement:
We all wonder if we can afford to retire, we calculate and worry and wonder how we will survive on less..We  wonder if we will go crazy with nothing to do, we hold off.. My advice...just do it.. for your sole. not your wallet. I'm poor  but happy.

The stars aligned for me, one day I was working in Calgary, The next I was retired and moving to Brasil.. This change of scenery, different climate, different language, forced me to new routines, nothing is the "same old". Maybe this is advice for those looking to retire.  Move!

I am a house husband, I clean, shop, cook, no time for boredom. I don't drive, I walk everywhere. Because I walk I need to shop every second  day or so.. Brasil has super markets, and they are becoming more popular, but they still have  butchers, Bakeries, green grocers, this is where I like to do my shopping, better stuff,  better service. A trip to the barber or cheese shop is more then a trip to buy something, I have to study the words I might need to use,  everything I do is an adventure, nothing I do is mindless. I am not bored, and never will be. This does surprise me and Cris, going from a workaholic to a Bum...we both thought after  3 months I would go nuts. The trick is to stay busy...


Here is a link to some photos of my neighborhood..  https://picasaweb.google.com/104024114949691259972/TheWalk?authkey=Gv1sRgCOfV0p3g1_ScfA
On the right is a Map of where I Took the pic, you can change it to satellite  view..

You want to retire to the Sun... you can do it.. I have some advice for you ...just ask...

Hi All:
I moved to Olinda, Brasil in June 2011, It has been an adventure, I have SO  many things to tell you about..
Facebook is just not the place to write about this adventure..
I am not much of a writer,  but will try my best..

To my Brasilian friends..
I am living in your country, I hear you complain and discuss the countries issues, but your proud of Brasil, and even though you see her problems, you don't like foreigners making comments.  We Canadians are the same, we can complain about Canada, but if a foreigner were to do the same,  we would tell them if they don't like it GO Home.  I get that, and I will try to say only good things.Try to remember I am trying to not only pass on the facts of  living here, but my impressions and feelings as well, ( and they are my feelings and my impressions) don't be to hard on me if ( when) I slip and complain. In advance.. I'm sorry..
To my Canadian friends..
I love it here, Brasil has so many wonderful places to see, amazing people, cultural things to see, do and listen to...but its not home, and even though Brasil has all these amazing things,  some times a guy just has to bitch. Take it with a grain of salt and remember, the good far out ways the Bad.


Watch for more in the near Future